you were happy and smiling on the deck of the ship, all covered in sunlight and hair soaring. pale yellow dress, white shoes, sea foam and seagulls. I dream about you every night and woke up feeling like I’ve bitten a lemon. I’ve left milan for a week looking for inspiration; sometimes I feel like I will never create anything beautiful again. two hour flight to my hometown. I share a bar of chocolate with the man sitting next to me. seems like yesterday was chopin’s birthday and I’ve been thinking about it a lot. I called my mom six times today. I don’t care about the brown lawns and burning cars, I don’t care about the weeds growing on the sidewalk. my hometown is both the bird and the hands crushing the bird. nowhere feels like home